Some Thoughts on Ben and Noel from Felicity

Ben 

Ben belongs to a category of men I’m attracted to who look like those dried apple-head dolls. John Goodman is another one. Harrison Ford is almost there. Something I love about men is how they can look like hot dried apple-head dolls. Actually I want to say something else: Something I love about women is how we can find it hot for people to look like dried apple-head dolls. In the beginning Ben just seems like a shithead who’s sort of cute, grinning stupidly, touching his hair, shuffling, hands in his pockets, plaid shirt, that kind of thing. Fine. But he changes, slowly—at first you’re barely noticing, and you still think he sucks, and you don’t give a shit what’s going on in his storylines, and you’re bored. And while you’re bored something is happening—his hair is getting blonder and fluffier and beginning to blend in with his face and body. He’s becoming a hay bale. He’s bad at school and his dad is an asshole and he hates himself and he’s becoming a hay bale. He buzzes his hair and it comes back looking like it’s been blow-dried with a round brush. He’s getting older. He’s learning from his mistakes and he’s less afraid. His whole head looks like soft serve now. You love him. He’s still a fool, of course, like we all are. Absolute fools. It’s laughable how foolish we are, really, and it’s easy now to imagine yourself laughing about it in a patch of sun on a grassy hill with Ben beside you, wind-whipped and golden, shining like a mystical tree. 

Noel

How do we feel about pathetic men?  A psychic told me once that I have a weakness for pathetic men, but I think everyone is pathetic once you get to know them. How could you be anything other than pathetic? That said, some people are more pathetic than others and one of them is Noel. Noel is beautiful—more beautiful than Ben, in fact—tall and handsome, with big creature-eyes and a pleasantly stupid mouth, pendulous brown hair. But his particular physical beauty only emphasizes the fact that he’s Felicity’s pet horse. That’s all I have to say about Noel right now.